My beautiful armor bearer.

"Do all that you have in mind," his armor-bearer said. "Go ahead; I am with you heart and soul."

So this verse comes from 1 Samuel 14. 

Saul is king of Israel right now and he's getting ready to take on the Philistines, an army of 30,000 chariots, 6,000 men on horses and innumerable foot soldiers, with only 600 men with two swords and garden tools. 

HOLY COW. That's insane. I mean, Saul's people must have been TERRIFIED. 


And in the midst of all this fear and chaos, Saul's son, Jonathan looks at his armor bearer and says: “Come, let’s go over to the Philistine outpost on the other side,” Then leaves without telling his dad.

This young man and his young armor bearer leave behind the small army that they do have to try and conquer the Philistine army by themselves! Is anyone freaking out right now? I sure am.

 

 I think, just in case, I should define what an armor bearer is.. They're really intense people.

An armor bearer, in so many words, is a soldier's right hand man. It was the armor bearer's job to shield the soldier when needed, handle the warrior's weapons, prepare and serve food to the soldier, provide medical care to the warrior when injured and much more. An armor bearer was at his soldier's side at all times guarding and taking care of him. That sounds like an extremely close, intimate and trusted friendship. 


And as Jonathan directs his armor bearer to go and try to defeat a huge chunk of a massive army by themselves, you know what his armor bearer's response is?

"Do all that you have in mind. Go ahead; I am with you heart and soul."

oeisfjdkslidfjpsdojfnkaledfjhsdoifa;jdfhj!!


That one line just hits me so so hard in the chest. 
What a beautiful, crazy friendship.

Do you guys have a friend who would look you in the eye as you suggest doing something CRAZY stupid and say: "Go ahead and do it. But you won't be alone in this because I am behind you 100% percent,"?

I do, and her name is Lucy Hayes. 

She is the best  friend anyone could ever ask for.
I am seriously so blessed by her everyday. Although we haven't know each other since birth or faced an entire army by ourselves, I've grown so much because of my friendship with you. She challenges me to dream big dreams, push farther and harder into my relationship with God, and supports me when I have to make tough sacrifices and decisions in my life.

She is that friend that when I suggest something crazy to, like, face an entire army by myself crazy, she just looks at me, smiles and says: "Let's do this. Do all the you have in mind, Nikki. I am with you fully. Heart and soul." 


BUT, you know what the best part of the whole story in Samuel is? The fact that they win. 

God saw their faith and dedication to fight for Him and with each other and blessed that. Many Philistines fell by the hands of Jonathan and his armor bearer that day. In 1 Samuel 14 it says, 'So on that day the Lord saved Israel, and the battle moved on beyond Beth Aven."

Same goes to me and my battles because of Lucy.

So much success and victory in my life has come from her encouraging me in my faith and life. 
When I can't carry on or I don't have enough faith in God, she stands there with me and picks me up and borrows me some of her faith. 

AHHH, I've just been feeling so so so so thankful for Lucy lately.  I am SO blessed to have her.
And I want to encourage all of you to find yourself an armor bearer and pursue God together with the hearts, faith, bravery and recklessness that Jonathan and his armor bearer had and did.

Find someone special and do life with them. I can't even begin to list the rewarding things that come out of having a radical best friend like that.
Don't do this crazy thing called life alone.
I believe we are all meant to have an armor bearer in life, you dig?


Anyways. Lucy, this is for you. I love you. Thank you for everything.

Free Fallin'

5 months ago I was a student at North Central University majoring in Pastoral Studies and ASL Interpreting. I was going to be there for 5 + years, but after I graduated I would have two degrees and I would find a job, do the whole career thing, make some money, hopefully get married, and kick some major butt in the ministry world.

3 months ago I felt God tell me that I wasn't to return to North Central next year and I was going to enter into some sort of bible college or discipleship school after I finished two semesters of North central. But I was going to go the the bible school/DTS after my year at NCU, learn something important and then kick butt in the ministry world.

10 days ago I felt God lead me to drop out of NCU and not even return for the Spring semester. 

Now I'm a 19 year old "college drop out" that doesn't know what she's doing. For the first time in a very very long time, if not ever, I don't have a plan for the immediate.

I feel absolutely crazy.

I hate the place I'm at right now. I would love to be at college right now with the people I fell in love with last semester and learning about things that I'm crazy interested in. I would also love to fast forward a few months and be at whatever program I'm at, learning and interning at a church and meeting new people. 

But in the midst of it all, I'm also so so so full of joy and satisfaction because I'm confidence that I'm chasing after God and His will with all my heart.
For the first time in my life I'm actually putting actions to my words when I say I want to be boldly and recklessly obedient to the Lord.

I'm allowing God to take control of my life and following not the plans that I have, but the plans HE has.


Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

 And Philippians 1:6 says, "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

 These two verses have never meant more to me than now.

God has plans for me, for us! And the plans He has for us are the incredible, and not something to be afraid of. If I am obedient and willing to put aside the desires I have for my life and allow God to steer me, my future is full hope and prosperity in Him. If I follow Him, I will be okay. I'll be right where He wants me. And like we've all heard before: Being in the will of God is the safest place in the world to be.

But when I'm feeling doubtful, or scared, or when I worry I made the wrong decision, I can trust that whatever God has started in me, no matter what, He will see it out to completion. God will not forsake me and leave me hanging. As much as I want to arrive at my future, God does too. He he'll see to it that I do.

I can't know for sure where I'll be tomorrow, next month, or next year.

But I have to remember to not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

God has plans for me, and he will see them out to completion. He knows my future, I don't.

Therefore the only role that I have in my future, is the decisions I make right now. The role that I have in my future is listening and discerning what God has for me to do right now, and then doing it faithfully.

Trusting God is to take the next step and not worry too much about what he has in store for us later. If we listen now and fall in line with His will now, we'll get to where He wants us to be. 

5 months ago, I was writing my future.

3 months ago I began to allow God to edit it.

10 days ago I gave God the pen.

right now, I'm just listening to Him read what he's written.

Here I go!

Sunshine, Sonshine

"Trying to understand God is like trying to catch the 

sunshine in your hands."

God is big, and far beyond our understanding. And as easy as that concept sounds to understand and remember, it's not. We can see and feel the presence and work of something ineffable, but our we can never quite seem to grasp it. And so often instead of soaking up the sunshine and letting it fill my viens with warmth and satisfaction, I try to catch it, and put in in a little box that is understandable and easy to define. 

I've spent 12 years in school trying to 'figure things out', where our homework is to comprehend, understand and then be able to retell exactly what has been told to us. I live in a world where we are constantly trying to find answers and explantations for everything.  I live in a world where we don't just sit in adoration and awe or things that are bigger than us, but in a world where we dissect things until they are laid out plain in clear in front of us to fully understand.  It's really hard to comprehend, and I mean really comprehend that idea that God is Bigger than this world, and as far as my mind can stretch, God stretches farther. I've come to realize recently that my sunshine has been tucked in a nice and neat box for a very long time. I've been defining God and who He is according to my limited imagination and to only as big as I can understand.  It's time I let Him out and let Him shine in my life for everything He is whether or not I understand it. 

Ephesians 3:17-19 says: "Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.  May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God."

God loves me more than I will ever know. God's love is so big that it actually takes power to grasp it, and Paul tell us that if we, although the love of God is too great to understand, allow for Him make home in our hearts we will be made complete with the fullness of life and power.

I refuse to make God's love for me seem smaller than it is. I'm going to continue to let the Son shine on me and just let that be enough, because wether or not I fully understand who God is, through him I can see everything, and receive true happiness and fullness of my life. And as I continue to attempt to learn more about God and everything He is and will be, I will make sure to always find beauty in the big mystery of Him and continue to live a life of awe and adoration of Him.

Lord, 

I pray that I may know more about you, but give me the peace to accept the things that go over my head, and the discernment to identity the things that you are doing in my life. Jesus, I pray that I may be yours fully everywhere I go. Lord, move in me and speak through me. God, I pray that I may actively pursue you as you pursue me. Steer me, Father, into a ife filled with your shining glory.

May your always be my anchor.

May your Kingdom always be my home.

You are all  I need, my everything is yours.

Amen.