Free Fallin'

5 months ago I was a student at North Central University majoring in Pastoral Studies and ASL Interpreting. I was going to be there for 5 + years, but after I graduated I would have two degrees and I would find a job, do the whole career thing, make some money, hopefully get married, and kick some major butt in the ministry world.

3 months ago I felt God tell me that I wasn't to return to North Central next year and I was going to enter into some sort of bible college or discipleship school after I finished two semesters of North central. But I was going to go the the bible school/DTS after my year at NCU, learn something important and then kick butt in the ministry world.

10 days ago I felt God lead me to drop out of NCU and not even return for the Spring semester. 

Now I'm a 19 year old "college drop out" that doesn't know what she's doing. For the first time in a very very long time, if not ever, I don't have a plan for the immediate.

I feel absolutely crazy.

I hate the place I'm at right now. I would love to be at college right now with the people I fell in love with last semester and learning about things that I'm crazy interested in. I would also love to fast forward a few months and be at whatever program I'm at, learning and interning at a church and meeting new people. 

But in the midst of it all, I'm also so so so full of joy and satisfaction because I'm confidence that I'm chasing after God and His will with all my heart.
For the first time in my life I'm actually putting actions to my words when I say I want to be boldly and recklessly obedient to the Lord.

I'm allowing God to take control of my life and following not the plans that I have, but the plans HE has.


Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

 And Philippians 1:6 says, "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

 These two verses have never meant more to me than now.

God has plans for me, for us! And the plans He has for us are the incredible, and not something to be afraid of. If I am obedient and willing to put aside the desires I have for my life and allow God to steer me, my future is full hope and prosperity in Him. If I follow Him, I will be okay. I'll be right where He wants me. And like we've all heard before: Being in the will of God is the safest place in the world to be.

But when I'm feeling doubtful, or scared, or when I worry I made the wrong decision, I can trust that whatever God has started in me, no matter what, He will see it out to completion. God will not forsake me and leave me hanging. As much as I want to arrive at my future, God does too. He he'll see to it that I do.

I can't know for sure where I'll be tomorrow, next month, or next year.

But I have to remember to not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

God has plans for me, and he will see them out to completion. He knows my future, I don't.

Therefore the only role that I have in my future, is the decisions I make right now. The role that I have in my future is listening and discerning what God has for me to do right now, and then doing it faithfully.

Trusting God is to take the next step and not worry too much about what he has in store for us later. If we listen now and fall in line with His will now, we'll get to where He wants us to be. 

5 months ago, I was writing my future.

3 months ago I began to allow God to edit it.

10 days ago I gave God the pen.

right now, I'm just listening to Him read what he's written.

Here I go!